(Not to be copied without author’s permission)
An Immaculate Misconception
By Carl Djerassi
(A play in 2 acts with 2 alternative endings)
Department of Chemistry
Stanford University
Stanford, CA 94305-5080
Tel: 650-723-2783
e-mail: djerassi@stanford.edu URL: http://www.djerassi.com
Program Note
Sex in an Age of Mechanical Reproduction
“The technique of reproduction detaches the reproduced object from the domain of tradition.”
(from Walter Benjamin, The Work of Art in an Age of Mechanical Reproduction, 1936)
The sub-title, “Sex in an Age of Mechanical Reproduction,” of my play is an allusion to Walter Benjamin’s famous essay of 1936 on “Art in an Age of Mechanical Reproduction.” I chose it because I consider the impending separation of sex (in bed) and fertilization (under the microscope) one of the fundamental issues facing humanity during the coming century. I picked Benjamin’s phrase for a second reason as well: in our preoccupation to conceive, we often forget the product of all the technologies we utilize, namely the resulting child. Benjamin argues, “The technique of reproduction detaches the reproduced object from the domain of tradition.” All the reader has to do is to substitute “child” for “reproduced object” in order to land right in the middle of the ethical thicket that reproductive technologists invariably face: they support heroic efforts by many couples to overcome certain biological hurdles that may very well harm rather than benefit the “reproduced object.”
Impregnation of a woman’s egg by a fertile man in normal sexual intercourse requires tens of millions of sperm—as many as 100 million in one ejaculate. Successful fertilization with one single sperm is a total impossibility, considering that a man ejaculating even 1 - 3 million sperm is functionally infertile. But in 1992, Gianpiero Palermo, Hubert Joris, Paul Devroey, and André C. Van Steirteghem from the University of Brussels published their sensational paper in Lancet, 340, 17 (1992), in which they announced the successful fertilization of a human egg with a single sperm by direct injection under the microscope, followed by reinsertion of the egg into the woman’s uterus. ICSI—the accepted acronym for “intracytoplasmic sperm injection”—has now become the most powerful tool for the treatment of male infertility: well over 150,000 ICSI babies have already been born since 1992.
This is the factual background of ICSI. But because “An Immaculate Misconception” is a play, all characters and especially the chronology, though not the actual science*, are fictional—especially the reproductive biologist, Dr. Melanie Laidlaw, ICSI’s putative inventor. ICSI’s ethical problems, however, remain even after the curtain has dropped.
Carl Djerassi
Hamburg, January 2005
*The film of an ICSI procedure shown in Scene 5 is based on an actual fertilization conducted by Dr. Roger A. Pedersen of the University of California, San Francisco, while that in Scene 6 was performed by Dr. Barry R. Behr of Stanford University.
Cast of Characters
Dr. MELANIE LAIDLAW: American reproductive biologist, late 30s, slender, athletic, with good-looking legs (relevant to scene 1).
VITALY SLAVSKY: Russian nuclear physicist, 45 - 50, muscular. Speaks excellent English, but preferably with distinct Russian accent.
Dr. FELIX FRANKENTHALER: American clinician and infertility specialist (late 30s to early 50s).
IVAN: Young teenager (17 year old in Prologue, 14-year old in Epilogue).
YURY: Fraternal twin of Ivan (14-year old in alternative Epilogue.
The action of the play takes place between 2000 and 2001.
PROLOGUE: Excerpt from Ovid’s Fasti.
Scene 1: May 2000, bedroom of European provincial hotel on the occasion of a scientific Congress.
Scene 2: September 2000, Dr. Melanie Laidlaw’s laboratory at the REPCON Institute for Reproductive Biology and Infertility Research on the East Coast, USA.
Scene 3: November 2000, sperm bank dream scene in laboratory.
Scene 4: January 2001, same setting as Scene 1.
Scene 5: Sunday, February 11, 2001, same setting as scene 2.
Scene 6: Five minutes later, same setting as preceding scene.
Scene 7: September 2001, same setting as preceding scene.
Scene 8: A few minutes later, same setting as preceding scene.
Scene 9: One week later, same setting as preceding scene.
Scene 10: Early December 2001, same setting as preceding scene.
Scene 11: Fourteen years later (2015).
EPILOGUE: Excerpt from Ovid’s Metamorphoses.
Technical Details
The two videos—provided by the author in VHS or DVD format and to be shown on the rear screen in Scenes 5 and 6—depict an actual ICSI fertilization that needs to be coordinated with the dialog. (A sample sound dialog is included with one of the videos).
The e-mail interludes can be projected in real time (preferable) or as intact texts following Scenes 1, 2, 3, 4, 6 and 9.
Prologue. Spotlight focuses on MELANIE, dressed as FLORA (Roman goddess of flowers and plants) whose face may be hidden by a mask or veil. FLORA’s words are based on Book 5 (May) of Ovid’s Fasti (Roman Holidays) in the translation of Betty Rose Nagle (Indiana University Press, 1995).
A hidden flower from a magic shop, which is suddenly produced (e.g. out of a cloth) in the penultimate stanza, would be a desirable prop.
FLORA
As soon as I saw her, I said, “What brings you here,
Juno, daughter of Saturn?”
”No words,” she said, “are going to relieve my distress.
Why should I give up hope of motherhood without a spouse
and of chastely giving birth without touching a man?
I am going to try every drug the wide world over.”
While this speech was in progress, I wore a hesitant expression.
Three times I wanted to promise help, but my tongue stayed stuck.
Jupiter’s anger was a cause of great fear.
”Bring help, I pray; the source will remain concealed,” she said,
swearing by the power of Stygian water.
”Your object,” I said, “will be supplied by a flower sent me”.
My supplier said, “Touch a barren heifer with this
and she’ll be a mother.” I did and at once she was.
Right away I plucked the resisting flower with my thumb.
I touched Juno’s belly and she conceived at the touch.
She got her wish and a son was born.
Scene 1 (May 2002. Abroad, at a scientific conference): Bedroom in a provincial central European hotel. Visible are an unmade bed and, a chair bearing a woman’s discarded clothes. VITALY slouches on a second chair, wearing jeans and holding in his hand a shirt, which he gradually puts on and buttons as the conversation progresses. On the floor near the chair lie his socks and shoes, which he also gradually puts on. MELANIE, wrapped toga-fashion in a bed sheet, her naked legs showing just below her knees, sits by the side of the bed very close to VITALY’s chair. She stretches out her legs, first one and then the other. VITALY observes.
VITALY: Great legs.
MELANIE (Lifts them briefly): I know. But thanks anyway.
VITALY: And so smooth. When I saw your legs for the first time in the sauna last night, I knew I’d have to touch them. (Beat). You were the only one wrapped in a towel.
MELANIE: We Yankees are more prudish than you Russians… especially in saunas.—
VITALY (Laughs): I think my prudish Melanie is over-generalizing.
MELANIE: Okay… but it’s also prudent to wear a towel in a mixed sauna.
VITALY: Prudish and prudent are not the same… not in the dictionary and not in life.
MELANIE (Quick): True enough.
VITALY: So you are mostly prudent?
MELANIE: Yes… until tonight. (Turns serious). Vitaly, we know each other biblically, but I know so little about you.
VITALY: And I don’t know much more about you…other than that you’re a scientist…or you wouldn’t be here at this Congress. Tell me something personal.
MELANIE: You want to know what kind of science I do?
VITALY: No! It’s not your science that interests me…. You can’t make love to science.
MELANIE: I’m alone.
VITALY: That I know… or we wouldn’t be here. But are you alone in general?
MELANIE: I’m a widow.
VITALY: Sorry.
MELANIE: And I have no children.
VITALY: How old are you?
MELANIE: Guess.
VITALY (Pretends to study her carefully): Thirty-seven years… plus or minus seven months.
MELANIE (Laughs): Not far off the mark. So you see? I don’t have too much time left… I mean time for having children. But what about you?
VITALY: Do I want children? At one time, yes. But not anymore.
MELANIE: Am I getting too personal?
VITALY: Maybe. (Pause). Ask something else.
MELANIE: How old are you?
VITALY (Mock whisper): That information is classified. (Louder) Now it’s my turn again.
MELANIE (Starts to rise, but then just moves further away at edge of bed): You mean something really personal?
VITALY: Yes.
MELANIE: Wait! First, do you believe me that I’ve never done this before?
VITALY: Define “this.”
MELANIE (Attempts offhandedness, but is slightly embarrassed): Having … ah…you know… carnal relations—
VITALY (Laughs): You really use that expression in America—
(He attempts to continue, but she leans over to put her hand over his mouth.)
MELANIE: —with a man I met only a few hours ago at a scientific congress… about whom I know practically nothing other than that he is a Russian nuclear hotshot, who—
VITALY (Interrupts laughingly): Just happened to invite you to a mixed sauna?
MELANIE: You think I make a habit of hopping into bed—
VITALY (Laughs): “Hopping into bed.” How American!
MELANIE: All right… so what would you say?
VITALY: Make love “with.” Or maybe, “to.”
MELANIE: And you prefer?
VITALY: “To.”
MELANIE: Is that what we did?
VITALY: It was “with”… “To” is different. Someone has to take the initiative.
VITALY (Plays with her hair or other gesture of affection): No, I don’t… at least, not this time. (Beat) I think I’d leave it up to my prudent Puritan—
MELANIE (Quick, but softly): Maybe I’ll try to make love to you... if there is a next time.
VITALY: There will be another time… there must be!
MELANIE: You’re that sure?
VITALY: Yes … because you’re no bed hopper.
MELANIE: You really believe that? Honestly?
VITALY: I believe you—honestly.
MELANIE: How come?
VITALY: I believe you, because it’s also true for me.
MELANIE: You’ve never slept with a woman you barely knew?
VITALY: Well… (Pause), not one I met only twenty-four hours ago.
MELANIE: Hmm.
VITALY: Hmm.
MELANIE: Hmm what?
VITALY: Before, you started with “first…”
MELANIE: Yes?
VITALY: First, that you’re not a bed-hopper. But what was “second”?
MELANIE: Second?
VITALY: Yes, “second.” When you spoke about carnal relations, you said, “first.” So there must be a second. Actually, I can guess what that was.
MELANIE: Tell me.
VITALY: You first. If I guessed wrong, I’d be embarrassed.
MELANIE: No. (Shakes her head vigorously). You first. Please.
VITALY: All right: You’ve never before made love to a married man.
MELANIE (Clearly relieved): Thanks.
VITALY: For what?
MELANIE: For guessing right.
VITALY: In that case, can I now ask my question?
MELANIE: Ask.
VITALY (nuzzles her): Did you know I was married when you came up to me during the coffee break?
MELANIE: Not really. (Pause). But I suspected it.
VITALY: Why?
MELANIE: Because most men at this conference seem to be married.
VITALY (Ironic): So I looked married?
MELANIE: You didn’t look single. (Beat). You looked… (searches for word)… not loose enough. You weren’t finger-branded, but I sensed some stamp of ownership.
VITALY: So why didn’t you ask?
MELANIE: Come now! I should have sidled up to you and said: “I’m Doctor Melanie Laidlaw. By the way, are you married?” (Both laugh). Besides (she turns serious), I preferred not to know.
VITALY: Because?
MELANIE: If I had known—at that stage—that you were married… I mean known unequivocally… I wouldn’t have… I couldn’t have…. (Long pause). Vitaly… you’re only—
VITALY: You don’t have to tell me.
MELANIE: Yes I do. I have to. The first man was in my last year in college. So you see I wasn’t a girl anymore. And the second was my husband, who was also my professor.
VITALY (Leans forward. He is clearly intrigued, even flattered): So what made you—
MELANIE: Hop into bed with you? Just because I have not made love with anyone since my husband’s death does not mean that I have no sexual feelings.
VITALY (Reaches over and succeeds in touching her. Softly): I know that.
MELANIE: This scientist knows enough chemistry to recognize a unique reaction—one I’ve never experienced before.
VITALY: You’re right about the spontaneous chemistry between us.
MELANIE: I said “unique.”
VITALY: And the difference?
MELANIE: Spontaneous ones have a tendency to quickly fizzle out… unless you add something.
VITALY: Such as?
MELANIE: A chemist would say, you need more reagents… or maybe a catalyst.
VITALY: Whereupon a physicist would ask, what kind?
MELANIE: It’s too early to ask. Right now, the reaction is still sizzling… not fizzling.
VITALY: Maybe because I wanted it to sizzle, I didn’t tell you—right then and there in the sauna—that I was married. But now you know everything.
MELANIE: Everything? (Pause). For a scientist, that’s a meaningless word. You can never know everything. But you can learn when to stop looking for more.
(He starts to speak, but she takes him by the hand)
Come…. not just “with” me…. come “to” me.
END OF SCENE 1
E-Mail Interlude (put in chat room format)
After Scene 1
Date: Sat, 30 May 2002 08:51:59
Dear V,
Since you gave me your e-mail address, can I assume nobody reads your messages?
“Prude”
VITALY: I’m the only one.
MELANIE: My dear Vitaly,There’s so much to say, but I can’t put it down. I’ve never had an e-mail affair before. I don’t even know the etiquette.
VITALY: We’ll establish our own etiquette. I’ll start with “My lovely Melanie.” Now it’s your turn.
MELANIE: In that case forget “My dear Vitaly.” I don’t want you to sound like my uncle.
VITALY: How about “Dearest Vitaly”?
MELANIE: Not special enough. How about Ami exquis, exquis amant!
VITALY: Why French? Are you showing off?
MELANIE: Just a bit.
VITALY: Enough about e-mail etiquette. How about etiquette in bed?
MELANIE: Is it prudent to discuss that topic by e-mail?
VITALY: Try!
MELANIE: How about: “Making love with a stranger is best, because there is no riddle and there is no test.”
VITALY: It even rhymes.
MELANIE: But then while dreaming of an encore, I found you were no stranger anymore.
VITALY: Wow! Pure poetry!
MELANIE: I’m becoming imprudent. Enough cyber-chatter.
Scene 2 (September 2000). Reproductive biology laboratory of Dr. Melanie Laidlaw at the REPCON Infertility Research Center). Two stools and a lab table bearing typical biologist’s lab paraphernalia: optional examples are Petri dishes, pipette dispenser, rack of small tubes, perhaps a tabletop centrifuge. The only indispensable item is a large microscope with double eyepiece, which is a key item in next scenes. Overall appearance somewhat untidy. Felix Frankenthaler sits across from Melanie Laidlaw on lab stool. Both are sipping tea.
MELANIE (Banters while still looking through microscope): I hope you don’t consider this slumming… having tea with a lowly Ph.D. in a modest biology lab.
(Looks up, pushes stool away from lab table, swings around to face FELIX for rest of conversation. Smiles affectionately).
FELIX (Grins briefly): Slumming? In your lab? Never! (Takes sip). And you…”lowly”?
MELANIE (Grins back): All right… a first-class Ph.D.
FELIX (Takes a sip): Good tea… but where are the cookies?
MELANIE: I avoid sugar… and so should you. But thanks for coming.
FELIX: You said it was hot stuff.
MELANIE: It is.
FELIX: So let’s hear it. (Sits down on other lab stool).
MELANIE: I‘m now at a stage of my research where I need a clinical hotshot as collaborator. Someone like the eminent Dr. Felix Frankenthaler.
FELIX (Bantering): Someone like me? When you called, you said I was unique.
MELANIE: I didn’t think flattery would hurt.
FELIX: It never does.
MELANIE: But you are special: a top-notch infertility clinician, while (assumes bantering tone) I’m just a lowly lab scientist.
FELIX (Similar bantering tone): My, my! I would never have expected such words from you! Such self-denigration.
MELANIE (Still bantering): I’m just buttering you up. But (switches to matter of fact tone)… we each bring something to the table that the other hasn’t got. (Pause). Your clinic is the best on the East Coast.
FELIX (Laughs pleased): At least we agree on something. Well? How far are you?
MELANIE: I finally managed to work it all out in hamsters.
FELIX: What’s next?
MELANIE (Triumphantly): Fertilize a human egg! Just think of it: by directly injecting a single sperm!
FELIX: Intracytoplasmic… sperm… injection.
MELANIE: Exactly! (Spells it out slowly): I…C…S…I... (Then quickly, as one word): ICSI. And if it works, that acronym will be in the next edition of Webster’s Dictionary!
FELIX: ICSI even sounds like a kid’s name… something that my patients can identify with. (Pause). If they knew what you were up to in here… they’d be breaking down your door.
(He looks around the lab, almost, but not quite, shaking his head)
Men with sperm counts so low they can never become biological fathers in the usual way. They won’t care if egg penetration is performed under a microscope or in bed… just so it’s their own sperm.
MELANIE: Frankly, I was thinking of women… specifically this one.
FELIX: I can understand that. You’ll be famous… world-famous… if a normal baby is born through ICSI. So far, of course, a big if! But now that you’ve succeeded with hamster eggs, why not try some more animal models?
MELANIE: Golden hamsters are the best animal models for this type of work. Any respectable reproductive biologist will tell you that.
FELIX: What’s the rush?
MELANIE: You think the competition is sleeping?
FELIX: Still… failure is not going to get you famous.
MELANIE: Then forget about fame. What about ICSI and motherhood?
FELIX: Is motherhood all that attractive a profession? Incidentally, a question I would deny I even raised—I, whose livelihood depends on getting women pregnant.
MELANIE: In my book, mother love is the only true emotion that can’t be faked. (Pause). Well… maybe not all. True fear can’t be faked.
FELIX: What about father love?
MELANIE: The bonding is different. Besides, in most species, the father doesn’t even know the identity of his offspring.
FELIX: We aren’t “most” species. We practice parenthood.
MELANIE: You asked if motherhood was such an attractive profession. I’m not so sure it has to be attractive. For some women, it‘s an obsession. You should know that.
FELIX: I don’t see what desire… or even obsession… for motherhood has to do with ICSI. If a single woman wants a child before it’s too late, all she needs to do is to get inseminated with clinically proven, fertile sperm?
MELANIE (Mocking tone): In other words, look for a man like you who has already fathered two children?
FELIX (Defensive). I’m not promoting my availability. But yes… men like me. With a fertile woman the success rate of standard artificial insemination with such sperm is very high. I’d say as high as in ordinary intercourse. So why not go to a sperm bank?
MELANIE: I, for one, would be reluctant to go—
FELIX: You’re speaking on behalf of all women, some women, or simply yourself? In my experience, my patients—
MELANIE (Irritable): I’m not your patient and I’m not infertile. At least not yet.
FELIX: In that case you wouldn’t need ICSI. It’s men, who’d need it… those men that we in the business call “reproductively impaired.”
MELANIE: Felix, you haven’t changed. You’re a first-class doctor… (Pause)
FELIX (Bantering): But, but, but…? Let’s hear the but.
MELANIE: But… you look at everything through testosterone-tinted glasses.
FELIX (Still affectionate banter): And what’s my colleague’s estrogen-etched view?
MELANIE: In the case of ICSI, that’s easy… especially since my glasses aren’t etched, but polished. (Grins). Maybe that’s why I see further than you. (Pause).
ICSI could become an answer to overcoming the biological clock. And if that works, it will affect many more women than there are infertile men. (Grins). I’ll even become famous. We’ll become famous… that is if you come on board as my clinical collaborator.
FELIX: Not so fast, Dr. Laidlaw! Sure… I’d also be famous… with you… if that first ICSI fertilization is successful… and if a normal baby is born. But what’s ICSI got to do with (slightly sarcastic) “a woman’s biological clock?”
MELANIE (Leans forward, excited): Felix, in your IVF practice, it’s not uncommon to freeze embryos for months and years before implanting them into a woman.
FELIX: So?
MELANIE: So take frozen eggs.
FELIX (Dismissive): I know all about frozen eggs…they’re very different from embryos. There‘re even problems with just freezing them. And after thawing, artificial insemination hardly ever works…. Do you want to hear the reasons for those failures?
MELANIE: Who cares? What I’m doing isn’t ordinary artificial insemination… I’m not exposing the egg to lots of sperm and then letting them struggle on their own through the egg’s natural barrier. (Pause). We inject right into the egg… (Pause). Now, if ICSI works in humans—
FELIX: A big if.
MELANIE (Getting irritable): Felix… you’re beginning to repeat yourself. It’s not “if”… it’s “when!” And when is now! Think of those women… right now, mostly professional ones… who postpone childbearing to their late thirties or even early forties. America and Europe are full of them.
FELIX: True. And so are the newspapers… with advice for single women.
MELANIE (Derisive tone): But what they don’t tell them is that by then, the quality of their eggs… their own eggs… is not what it was when these women were ten years younger. (Becomes progressively more emphatic). So once the cryopreservation of eggs is perfected… and that’s just a matter of time… with ICSI, such women could draw on a bank account of their frozen young eggs and have a much better chance of having a normal pregnancy later on in life. I’m not talking about surrogate eggs—
FELIX: Later in life? Near… or even past the menopause?
MELANIE: You convert men in their fifties into successful donors—
FELIX: Then why not women? Are you serious?
MELANIE: I’m not sure that we reproductive scientists ought to open the door to postmenopausal pregnancies. But reducing the hazards of the biological clock by several years—say to the middle or even late forties? I see no reason why more women shouldn’t have that option.
FELIX: Well—if that works… you won’t just become famous… you’ll be notorious.
MELANIE: I’ll risk the notoriety. The fame, I’ll share with you.
FELIX (Mollified): Okay…. So we’ve got a new method of fertilization. But now, we need a controlled experiment. We’ll take a fertile egg from a young woman—
MELANIE: Hold it, Felix! What do you mean… “We’ll take?” (Forcefully). Who is running this show?
FELIX (Retreats): You are… of course.
MELANIE: Glad to hear that. Which is why I’ll select the egg. And “young”? Don’t you see, women can soon be young even at my age.
FELIX: Youngish then. But at least use good fertile sperm. Let’s not complicate our work before we’re off the ground. Anyway… if that direct injection works, ICSI will become the method of choice for treating male infertility.
MELANIE: That’s all fine and good. But think beyond that… to a wider vision of ICSI. I’m sure the day will come—maybe in another thirty years or even earlier—when sex and fertilization will be separate. Sex will be for love or lust—
FELIX: And reproduction under the microscope? Sure… infertile persons do that all the time. (Pause). But fertile couples?
MELANIE: And why not?
FELIX: Reducing men to providers of a single sperm?
MELANIE (Laughs): What’s wrong with emphasizing quality over quantity? I’m not talking of test tube babies or genetic manipulation. And I’m certainly not promoting ovarian promiscuity, trying a different man’s sperm with each egg.
FELIX (Chuckles): “Ovarian promiscuity!” That’s a new one. So what are you promoting?
MELANIE (Now serious and deliberate): Each embryo will be screened genetically before the best one is transferred back into the woman’s uterus. It’s that ability for pre-implantation genetic screening of the embryos… more than anything else… that will convince fertile couples to resort to in vitro fertilization. Why not improve the odds over Nature’s roll of the dice before you’re pregnant?
FELIX: We doctors do this all the time with older women through amniocentesis—
MELANIE: But only after they’ve been pregnant for several months! The only option you then offer them is abortion! In my scenario, the 21st century will be called “The Century of Art.”
FELIX: Not science? Not technology?
MELANIE: The century of… A… R… T (Slow and deliberate): assisted… reproductive… technologies. Young men and women will open reproductive bank accounts full of frozen sperm and eggs. And when they want a baby, they’ll go to the bank to check out what they need.
FELIX: Once they have such a bank account… they might as well get sterilized.
MELANIE: Exactly! They’ll just do earlier in life what millions of middle-aged persons are already doing all the time—for instance half the married couples in China… or a third of all Americans. If my prediction is on target, other forms of birth control will become superfluous.
FELIX (Ironic): I see. And the pill will end up in a museum… (Pause)… of 20th century Art?
MELANIE: Of course it won’t happen overnight…. But A… R… T is pushing us that way… and I’m not saying it’s all for the good. It will first happen among the most affluent people… and certainly not all over the world. At the outset, I suspect it will be right here… in the States… and especially in California.
FELIX (Shakes head): Melanie’s Brave New World.
MELANIE: Are you afraid to help me make that possible?
FELIX: No… not afraid. But before you know it, single women could use ICSI to become single mothers… the Amazons of the 21st century. That worries me.
MELANIE: Forget about the Amazons! Just think of women who haven’t found the right partner… or had been stuck with a lousy guy... or women who just want a child before it’s too late… in other words, Felix… think of women like me.
(Upon Felix’s departure, she goes to computer and starts typing E-mail message which appears on screen. But each typed sentence gets erased—showing in the end that the message was not sent off)
From: <mlaid@worldnet.att.com>
To: <VSlavsky@netvision.ru>
My dear Vitaly. (Erases, starts over again). Fabulous Vitaly. (Hesitates, then erases again). Vitaly -- Back then you told me that one couldn’t make love to science. (Short pause). Let me confess… (Hesitates, then erases last three words). I’m not so sure about that any more. (Pause) But first, I must… (Erases everything as LIGHTS DIM)
END OF SCENE 2
Scene 3 (November 2000, to be staged as MELANIE’s dream. Single MALE VOICE is heard from offstage or two men (VITALY and FELIX)—their faces masked or too dimly lit to be easily recognizable—speak either in unison or in quick alternation).
MELANIE: This is no ordinary bank.
MALE VOICE: You’re no ordinary client, Dr. Laidlaw.
MELANIE: I want to check about withdrawals for research purposes.
MALE VOICE: You want to withdraw?
MELANIE: I’m just inquiring.
MALE VOICE: What size withdrawal?
MELANIE: I need one spermatozoon.
MALE VOICE: Sorry… our minimal withdrawal is 80 million.
MELANIE: You see I’m looking for a potential father.
MALE VOICE: Then a sperm bank is no place—
MELANIE: Sorry! I meant potential donor.
MALE VOICE: That we can provide.
MELANIE: I’d like to know about available choices.
MALE VOICE: Probably more than you can imagine.
MELANIE: Oh?
MALE VOICE: Just try us.
MELANIE: How specific can I be?
MALE VOICE: Very. For instance…take hair: (Reads very rapidly): balding, thin, average, thick… and is it curly, wavy or straight?
MELANIE: What about hair color?
MALE VOICE: No problem. Even the color of eyebrows. (Pause)… Let me continue: dimples, cleft chin, Roman nose…. Is he right or left-handed?…. If there are freckles, are there few or many? (Pause, slowing down). Or take shoe size—
MELANIE (Interrupts surprised): Why would that be relevant?
MALE VOICE: Could be genetic… like height or body size. I guess you’re starting to get the picture. Or suppose you want to know about the man’s skin? (Again speeds up): Very fair, fair, medium, olive or dark? And if the man checks “olive” or “dark”, he’s got to check one of four boxes: light tan, dark tan, brown, or black.
MELANIE: Enough! What about ethnic background?
MALE VOICE: Our current files list 80 choices.
MELANIE: That’s too many for me.
MALE VOICE: You only need to pick one.
MELANIE: What about a Russian?
MALE VOICE (Surprised tone): Russian? Nobody has asked for one before. But let’s have a look. (Pause). What do you know? Donor number 2062: Russian… (use actual description of actor playing VITALY along following lines): 5 foot 11, 165 pounds… straight black hair… same color eye-brows… rather bushy like Brezhnev’s. (Stops) Oh, oh!
MELANIE (Concerned): Anything wrong?
MALE VOICE: It says here shoe size 13… rather large for a man of less than 6 feet.
MELANIE (Laughs, relieved): Never mind… I can live with that. Does it give his profession?
MALE VOICE: Of course. Nuclear physicist—
MELANIE (Laughs): Sounds promising.
MALE VOICE: There are… let’s see… 26 pages. Let me just give you the headings. (Starts speaking very rapidly): Math skills, mechanical skills, athletic skills, favorite sport, favorite car—
MELANIE (Amused): And what car strikes my Russian’s fancy?
MALE VOICE: Ferrari.
MELANIE: Color?
MALE VOICE: Red, of course.
MELANIE: I think you’re making this up.
MALE VOICE (Ignoring her, continues):… hobbies, artistic abilities, favorite authors—
MELANIE (Astonished): Authors?
MALE VOICE (Cool): Why not? Suppose you noticed that your Russian physicist is reading Danielle Steele. Don’t you think that tells you something about him?
MELANIE (Laughs briefly): I suppose so. (Quickly turns businesslike). This is all very amusing… but what about genetic makeup?
MALE VOICE: We check for Tay-Sachs Disease, Huntington’s disease, Gaucher’s disease, Wilson’s disease, Crohn’s disease… again, you get the idea. All donors are rigorously screened…. Additional tests may be requested… at your expense, of course. We do accept Master Card or Visa… but no American Express. Full reports are available.
MELANIE: Could I get a photo?
MALE VOICE: This is a sperm bank, not a dating service. Our profiles will give you more data than most wives ever get.
MELANIE: I’m a widow… not a wife. And I don’t want to adopt. I want to be a biological mother bearing my own child… and time is running out.
MALE VOICE: We’ll provide a fertile donor… but no photos.
MELANIE (To herself): I was hoping I’d convince myself that an anonymous sperm donor would do. But no, I think I’ve got to hear the answers, not just read them. No… even that’s not enough…. I guess I had to come here to find out I need to know the man.
MALE VOICE: A sperm bank may not be your first port of call then. (Pause) Romance is in short supply here. All we’ve got is billions of sperm, but no partners.
MELANIE: But I need one of each.
END OF SCENE 3
E-Mail Interlude
After Scene 3
From: <mlaid@worldnet.att.com>
To: <VSlavsky@netvision.ru>
Subject: Desire
Date: Mon, 04 Dec 2000 11:32:28
I continue to be surprised by the intensity of my desire for you and stunned by its persistence. A bridge connects, but it also separates—as does sexual pleasure. I have prided myself that what we had wasn’t simply a one-night stand, but now I realize that a four-night stand is not much longer. Does the persistence of my desire—almost 8 months now—add to those days? Does it make this a 240-night stand? And can desire alone make something substantial out of what we did? Not mine alone, certainly. But if it were ours? OUR desire?
Your Puritan
Scene 4. (January 2001, living room area of a hotel suite at a scientific Congress).
The only light is a dim lamp on an end table or stray
moonlight through a window. Upstage center is a partially open bedroom door.
Suddenly, MELANIE is silhouetted in the doorway, barefoot, wearing nothing but
a man’s shirt, with a small object in her right hand. She tiptoes quickly and
quietly to the end table next to a sofa where a zippered toilet bag is seen in
the dim light. It immediately becomes obvious that she is holding a used,
extended condom. Carefully, in a time-consuming manner, she ties the open top
of the condom into a knot and then reaches for the bag, trying (unsuccessfully)
to unzipper it. Finally, holding the condom between her teeth, she
uses both hands to open the bag and removes a small, wide-mouth thermos bottle
(or preferably, a Dewar flask), which she unscrews. She drops the condom
directly from her mouth into the thermos, screws top on tightly with visible
effort, then replaces it in the bag and closes the zipper. She is about to
return to the bedroom when VITALY, sheet or blanket wrapped around him in toga
fashion, appears in the doorway.
MELANIE (Recovers quickly from her surprise): Vitaly!
VITALY (Bantering): Did you expect room service?
MELANIE (Coyly): Not so soon again.
VITALY: I missed you.
MELANIE: So soon after—
VITALY: Especially so soon.
MELANIE: Well… here I am.
VITALY: But why did you leave?
MELANIE: Man proposes but woman disposes. Don’t ask… it’s a woman’s thing. (Quickly leads him to sofa. They cuddle affectionately)
VITALY: A penny for your thoughts.
MELANIE: No need to bribe me! Just a kiss.
VITALY: It’s a deal. (Kisses her briefly). And now the thought.
MELANIE: You call that a kiss?
VITALY: It’s a down payment. The rest will follow after I hear the thought.
MELANIE: The rest of the kiss better be good. Now… remember when you asked me to join you in the sauna? As a pretext for inspecting me… unclothed?
VITALY: You weren’t naked! You were wrapped in a towel.
MELANIE: I already told you… in a sauna it’s prudent to be prudish.
VITALY: Your towel was pretty short.
MELANIE: Still… it covered the essential parts.
VITALY: Which, of course, made it all the more exciting.
MELANIE: I think the sauna was your pond.
VITALY: What are you talking about?
MELANIE: Do you remember the story you told me in the sauna?
VITALY: What story?
MELANIE: About King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba.
VITALY: Ah, yes. When the King hopped into the queen’s bed or vice versa—
MELANIE (Playfully outraged): What do you mean… “vice versa”? She would never have done that! Queens are taught to be prudent! What you told me… (proceeds to act it out playfully by grabbing a towel or table cloth or other suitable cloth to cover her legs while describing the story)… was that Solomon ordered the construction of a pond in front of his throne and had it covered with glass. When the Queen of Sheba approached his throne and saw the water, she raised her long gown (raises the towel) so as not to get it wet. That’s when he saw her gorgeous legs.
VITALY: And nine months later… (Gives her an intimate kiss and whispers)… the Queen bore fruit.
MELANIE: Wasn’t Solomon married when he met the Queen?
VITALY: What’s that got to do with her becoming pregnant?
MELANIE: Lot’s of women could give you an answer. Of course, she may just have wanted a child and decided to help herself to Solomon’s seed—
VITALY: At least that could never happen to me.
MELANIE: Because you’re smarter than Solomon?
VITALY: Because I’m infertile… from a radiation accident. Severe oligospermia the specialist called it… always using Greek words when “you have too few sperm” would do perfectly well.
MELANIE (Taken aback): So that’s why you once said you can’t have children anymore? I thought you’d meant your age.
VITALY: You still remember what I said eight months ago? How time flies.
MELANIE: No… how slowly it passes. Eight long months.
VITALY (A bit touchy):
How could we help that?We had no
choice I live in Russia and you in the States.
MELANIE: And you’re married….And I shouldn’t allow myself the luxury… or is it the poverty?... of falling in love with a married man.
VITALY: Melanie… I have fallen in love with you—
MELANIE (Interrupts): Men are different… they make love to women but basically, they’re out to spread their seed.
VITALY: Not me. I’m infertile.
MELANIE: Infertility is relative.
VITALY: Mine seems pretty absolute to me.
MELANIE: If you have absolutely no sperm, you’re absolutely infertile. But that’s pretty rare. Reproductive science is moving so rapidly nowadays… (Catches herself before finishing sentence). But enough of science. As we both know, ours is not a scientific congress.
VITALY: So where does that leave us?
MELANIE: It leaves me waiting for the next scientific Congress… that my married lover always attends… alone.
MELANIE
And do I now have to wait for another 12 months… for
the next Kirchberg Conference… which my married lover always attends (beat)
alone?
VITALY: Can you accept that?
MELANIE: I’m not sure. I’ve never had an affair before.
VITALY: But Melanie, there is a bond.
MELANIE: There is one… or we wouldn’t be here. (Beat). Oh, Vitaly…
VITALY (Gently): Give me something I can take with me.
MELANIE: What?
VITALY: A strand of hair will do.
MELANIE: Help yourself.
VITALY: I will… later… after I’ve decided from where. (Kisses her). What would you like of me?
MELANIE (Gently disengages herself): Perhaps you’ve already given me all I’ve been missing.
END OF SCENE 4
E-Mail Interlude
After Scene 4
From: <mlaid@worldnet.att.com>
To: <VSlavsky@netvision.ru>
Subject: YOUR Gift
Date: Sat, 10 Feb 2001 20:17:42
Dearest Vitaly,
I am on pins and needles, because tomorrow is the great day in the lab —perhaps the most important one of my life. Cross your fingers for me! If you bring me luck, then you have given me the greatest gift you could offer.
In haste,
Your Melanie
ACT 2.
Scene 5 (Sunday, February 11, 2001). MELANIE, in surgical gown and cap, is sitting by the side of the lab table with a standard ICSI setup consisting of microscope, micromanipulators and related gadgetry as well as a VCR unit connected to the microscope to project the image on a screen (or TV monitor). She sits perpendicular to the screen so that she can observe the images on the screen while pretending to look through the microscope.
FELIX (Enters without knocking): Here I am... punctual as usual. You’re all set up.
MELANIE (Impatient): I’ve been here for quite a while. Change into a gown.
FELIX: This morning is my personal quality time with the kids. Skipping that is a real sacrifice. Don’t I deserve some credit?
MELANIE (Brusquely): Not today! Let’s get started.
(While he puts on gown, MELANIE continues adjusting the microscope)
FELIX: Didn’t anybody tell you that today is Sunday, supposedly a day of rest. You haven’t stopped in two months.
MELANIE: Felix. This is science, not religion.
FELIX: Oh yeah? If this works, don’t think you won’t be accused of playing God.
MELANIE: Let’s worry about that later. Right now, I need steady hands.
(Starts to put on plastic gloves)
FELIX: Of course you do. With a pipette one tenth the thickness of a human hair! But if your hands are shaking, I can do the first injection.
MELANIE: Out of the question.
FELIX: Didn’t I pass with flying colors practising on those hamster eggs?
MELANIE: You did okay with my hamsters, but now let’s get to the real stuff….
FELIX: Before you do… one last time: why don’t you tell me from where you got those eggs?
MELANIE: Why play that broken record again? How often do I have to tell you? This is my experiment!
FELIX: But I’m your collaborator! Doesn’t that give me the right to know?
MELANIE: Sure… but all in good time. Now let’s start.
FELIX: I guess there’s no purpose arguing with you.
MELANIE (Bends over microscope): We’ve got seven first-class eggs harvested—all from the same woman. Let’s see how I do with the first couple of eggs. If everything works out, I’ll let you do the next two. I’ll then finish with the rest.
(Finishes putting on rubber gloves)
Here we go. Felix… would you start the VCR and turn on the tape recorder? I want you to follow on the monitor what I’m doing here under the microscope.
FELIX: Why a tape recorder?
MELANIE: For this first ICSI experiment in history, I want a complete record… picture and sound.
FELIX: Ay, ay… captain, they’re both on.
Pushes the button and turns toward the screen. Both are completely silent as the screen lights up. MELANIE is hunched over the microscope, both hands manipulating the joysticks on each side of the microscope. She sits so as to be able to coordinate her words to action on the screen.
Ah… here we are. (Startled). God, this sperm is low-grade stuff.
(For the initial image with lots of virtually immobile sperm, have rapid ad-libbing between MELANIE and FELIX to match images on screen, such as)
MELANIE: What do you expect from a functionally infertile man?
FELIX (Startled): What? Are you crazy? Sperm from an infertile man? Why did you—?
When image of a couple of actively moving sperm appears, MELANIE, unwilling to disclose at this point source of sperm, interrupts.
FELIX (Distracted from his concern as single active sperm appears at bottom of image, excitedly interrupts, though with sarcasm): Oh yeah, great… two real machos…
(Dialog has to be exactly coordinated with the events on the screen.)
MELANIE: With my ICSI, I need only one…. But first I’ve got to crush its tail so the sperm can’t get away….
(Gasps as sperm heads unexpectedly for capillary, then raises voice, shrilly, almost hysterically)
Oh my God! Look! Felix! Look!… It’s heading straight for the capillary—head first!
FELIX: Oh no! It’s going the wrong way! What now?
MELANIE (Regains calm voice): I’ll have to kick it out and start all over.
(Pause while she ejects sperm)
Out you go! Bet you won’t do that again.
(Quickly moves pipette toward sperm and sounds jubilant as the injection pipette crushes the sperm’s tail)
Gotcha!
FELIX: Ouch! Be careful! I bet you hurt him!
MELANIE: That’s what you think! Sperm have no feeling. Now comes the tricky part. I’ve got to aspirate it tail first…. As soon as I get close enough, just a little suction will do the trick…. Hah! Gotcha!
FELIX: Not bad! Not bad at all.
(Screen image displays the sperm, tail first, being sucked into the pipette. Image now shows MELANIE “playing” the sperm’s head by moving it back and forward to demonstrate that she can manipulate it easily).
Quit playing with him! You’ve only got this single one!
MELANIE: I’m not playing with it. I just want to be sure I can manipulate it at will…. And why do you always call sperm “him”? (Silence for a few seconds until image of egg appears). Here we are. Isn’t she gorgeous? Just look at her… my precious beauty… now stay still while I arrange you a bit… while I clasp you on my suction pipette…
FELIX (Points to image of polar body on screen): Polar body on top….
MELANIE: Like a little head. I want it in the 12 o’clock position.
(Egg on screen is now immobilized in precisely the desired position for the
penetration.
Felix, now cross your fingers.
(He leans forward, clearly fascinated. Injection pipette containing sperm
appears on image but pipette remains immobile.)
FELIX: This is no time for superstition. Just push the capillary in!
MELANIE: It’s just…
(Pause, while image on screen shows injection pipette now aligned exactly in 3 o’clock position with respect to egg)
… doing the very first human ICSI experiment with this sperm into… this egg…
(MELANIE lets out audible gasp of relief as pipette penetrates the egg).
FELIX: (Makes sudden start, as if he had been pricked): My God! You did it! Superb penetration!
(Image shows pipette resting within egg).
Now shoot him out!
(Points to sperm head in pipette)
MELANIE: Here we go.
(Image shows sperm head at the very end of the injection pipette, but it
is not expelled. She aspirates it back into capillary and gives it a second push).
Damn you! First you jump in when you aren’t wanted and now you don’t come out when you should! You’ve got to!
FELIX (Attempts humor): At least this one has never heard of premature ejaculation.
(At third attempt, one can clearly see the sperm head emerging on the
screen from the pipette into the egg cytoplasm).
MELANIE: Ah, that’s a good boy. (Carefully withdraws pipette).
FELIX (Excited): You did it, Melanie! Look at him… just look at him! Sitting in there.
(Approaches image and points to sperm head on screen. Calmer voice).
It’s amazing. That egg looks… what shall I say? Inviolate, almost virginal.
MELANIE (Looks up for first time from microscope): It better not be... I violated it very consciously and tomorrow I expect to see cell division…. Felix (points to VCR), turn off the VCR.
(He does so).
FELIX (Turns accusatory): But Melanie, whose crummy sperm are you using here?
MELANIE: Turn off the tape recorder. I don’t need your complaints on record.
FELIX: They were barely moving…. You could hardly have chosen worse.
MELANIE (Bantering): I could have picked sperm from a dead man.
FELIX: Are you implying that ICSI could be used with such sperm? Or are you just joking? And if you are… (shakes finger), this is not the time for jokes.
MELANIE: I’m not joking… I’m just speculating. If the sperm from a dead fertile man is aspirated within a few hours postmortem… maybe even after 24 hours… just so we still have some twitching sperm... one could preserve such semen for months, if not years and then still use it for ICSI. It’s been done with mice.
FELIX: And you think that’s okay?
MELANIE: You asked whether ICSI fertilization with the sperm of a recently deceased man were possible and I said, yes. You didn’t ask whether it was OK.
FELIX: I am asking now! Would you use a dead man’s sperm and, I suppose, a frozen egg of a deceased woman to generate instant orphans?
MELANIE: No… I wouldn’t go that far.
FELIX: But somebody else might.
MELANIE: Kids need at least one parent… preferably two.
FELIX (Ironic): I’m relieved to hear that. (Pause). So who is the father?
MELANIE: There isn’t any father in the usual sense of the word.
FELIX: An immaculate conception?
MELANIE: You know… in a way that’s true. There was no penetration of the woman, no sexual contact. In fact, at that moment, there was no woman, no vagina… nor a man (pause)…. The only prick (pause)… was the gentle one by a tiny needle entering an egg in a dish, delivering a single sperm. (Laughs). Even that prick was provided by a woman. (Pause) If this ICSI injection works… and we’ll find this out in a couple of days… I want you to take the developing embryo, insert it into a woman… and then treat her kindly for the next 8 or 9 months until delivery of the baby.
FELIX: Where did this egg come from?
MELANIE: From me.
FELIX: What? Experiment on yourself?
MELANIE: Why not? It’s not as if there isn’t a tradition of self-experimentation in medicine. Who was it in malaria? Or was it yellow fever?
FELIX: Jesse Lazear. Yellow fever. (Pause). And he died from it.
MELANIE: I’d rather think of Barry Marshall. It’s a happier story. He’s the Australian who had to infect himself with H. pylori before anybody would believe that it’s the causative agent of ulcers. He got ulcers, but survived and got famous.
FELIX: He was dealing with ulcers. You’re dealing with babies. Some babies may cause ulcers, but most don’t.
MELANIE (With dismissive gesture): I’m not prone to ulcers. Why couldn’t these eggs (Points to the microscope) come from here? (Gestures toward her lap). What you saw on this screen came from me. And so did the other six over there… (Points to Petri dish).
FELIX: We should wait until we’ve established that ICSI works before using your own eggs? It’s bad science… adding an emotional variable. It’s crazy.
MELANIE: It isn’t crazy...it’s human. I’ll become a mother…and then famous.
FELIX: Melanie… we’re in this together. If you give birth, we publish together… and triumphantly. But if there’s no baby… or even worse, a genetically damaged one… where does that leave things?
MELANIE: Felix, you have two kids... and age doesn’t matter to you. You can have more. But my time is running out. Don’t forget, I didn’t freeze any of my young eggs. Every year I wait now increases the risk.
FELIX: All right…all right. But did you really handpick this lousy sperm? Why, for heaven’s sake? Why didn’t you go to a sperm bank?
MELANIE: I’ve been to a sperm bank—
FELIX: And?
MELANIE: Nothing happened. I just couldn’t deal with an anonymous sperm donor. Period. I wanted to know the biological father of my child.
FELIX (Sarcastic): You cannot deal with an anonymous sperm donor? You—who with ICSI—will have converted the average man—the donor of millions of sperm—into the provider of a single sperm? You—the mother of that intelligent New World as you called it not so long ago? And yet you have to know the donor of this bachelor sperm? What, may I ask, are you searching for in a biological father? Looks can be deceiving. What about health, for instance?
MELANIE: Overall health, even looks, may sound fine on paper… but there are also intangibles you only sense about someone: kindness, wisdom, savoir-faire, charisma… all kinds of personal things. In a sperm bank, you find sperm… not a man. With ICSI I can consider everything.
FELIX: I don’t see how you can. Or are you deliberately angling for an infertile man in your pool of potential fathers to prove the value of ICSI?
MELANIE: It’s not a question of deliberately angling. It’s just that you don’t have to throw such a fish back into the water.
FELIX: But that’s crazy! Why take such a risk?
MELANIE: Because that pool of potential fathers… as you so aptly called it … contained only one fish that interested me.
FELIX: And you caught him?
MELANIE: And what if I did? Remember… these are my eggs we’re injecting….
FELIX: This first attempt at ICSI fertilization must be science… it can’t be romance! Why is this man infertile? Have you looked into that? If there’s some genetic information we’re missing, you could give birth to who knows what.
MELANIE: When the time comes, I’ll take the necessary precautions.
FELIX (Vehemently): When the time comes? You have already used that sperm! As your clinical partner, I have the right to know the source of that man’s infertility! Most of the sperm were barely motile. Why? There may be all kinds of reasons for his manhood… if you permit a delicate phrase… to be incomplete.
MELANIE: Incomplete manhood! Oh you sensitive men! (Pause). But the answer is yes… of course, I know why.
FELIX: So what is it?
MELANIE: In due time—
FELIX: “In due time?” I want to know now!
MELANIE: I’m afraid, you’ll have to be patient.
FELIX: But I’m your clinician!
MELANIE: Exactly! At this point, we do not even know whether we have achieved fertilization. And even if we have, whether the embryo implants. That’s when you come in.
FELIX: And what precautions will you take?
MELANIE: Pre-implantation genetic screening of the embryo before transfer into me… and, of course, repeating it later by fetal screening.
FELIX: You can’t screen for everything. There are conditions where infertility in the donor is associated with serious genetic disorders in the offspring. Cystic fibrosis, for one. The odds are high there: one out of four.
MELANIE: I know all about that. You’re talking about men suffering from congenital, bilateral absence of the vas deferens. (Pause). You see, I can also spout medical mumbo jumbo.
FRANKENTHALER: Let’s not get technical right now. I’m talking about the principle of the thing.
MELANIE: And I’m talking about the technical principle: men with that condition have no sperm in their ejaculate. I can assure you that this man did ejaculate that sperm! I didn’t have to aspirate it.
FELIX (Angry): For God’s sake, Melanie! Many other factors can lead to genetic abnormalities... and if such a baby is born, you can kiss the whole thing good-by.
MELANIE: Kiss what good-bye?
FELIX: The ICSI paper. How will you justify sending it off if the result is some genetic... (Flustered pause)... oddball... or whatever?
MELANIE: Felix! We’re dealing with a potential life... not just a journal article! Besides… it won’t be sent off until the baby is born.
FELIX (Shakes head): And the man gave his consent to all that?
MELANIE: Deep down, I know he’d like to be a father.
FELIX: How deep?
MELANIE (Angry and loud): Stop it! This is not the time for such questions.
FELIX: This is a legal matter
MELANIE (Completely loses her temper): Shut up! I’m doing science… important science… and you’re spouting legalese. (Looks at her shaking hands). How am I expected to do the second ICSI now?
FELIX: I repeat! Did you get his consent?
MELANIE (Rips off gloves): I’m taking a break!
For a few seconds, FELIX looks grimly into space, then turns around and turns on video image, which again shows “dead” sperm seen earlier in scene. Suddenly reaches decision. Rushes to laboratory table, rummaging around (ostensibly looking for a condom). In desperation, he hastily grabs a fresh plastic glove and rushes off stage.
END OF SCENE 5
Scene 6. (Five minutes later). FELIX in surgical gown rushes into the lab, extended plastic glove (used in lieu of condom) in hand. Trying to open new syringe with one hand, he finally holds glove between his teeth while ripping off plastic cover of syringe. Quickly aspirates sperm from glove, drops a sample unto plate and places it under microscope. Turns on VCR. A new video image of very actively swimming sperm—quite different from “dead” sperm in preceding scene—appears on video monitor or screen. Puts on fresh plastic gloves and face mask.)
FELIX (Looks up, gazes satisfied at image for several seconds, then murmurs loudly to himself): Now that’s better!
(Mimes manipulation with the microscope while image of sperm capture
and subsequent injection into egg appears again on screen. At
appropriate moments speaks to himself, adlibbing along following lines)
Here you are, Melanie. Now let’s see what we can do with you. (Short pause). Relax, Melanie. I’ll be very gentle… it won’t hurt. (Short pause).
(Suddenly, MELANIE enters).
And now… bear fruit and multiply.
MELANIE (Sees on the screen image of sperm being injected into egg): Felix! What the hell are you doing?
(Startled, FELIX jumps up, in the process knocking over lab stool. Rips off
facemask and quickly reaches for glove serving as condom substitute.
Attempts to throw it into wastebasket but misses. Stands up